Sweet Hearts

My dad was my first Valentine. He was that strong, handsome, home-by-five provider that typified suburban 1960s life. I remember the years he worked a night job at a local country club – on holidays like New Year’s and Valentine’s Day there would be fancy, celebrity-filled parties – Lucille Ball, Jack Lemmon, Count Basie – these were the A-listers of my parent’s generation, and my dad served them all. On those nights I’d try to wait up for him because he’d always come home with great stories of who was the best (or worst) tipper, and he’d bring bags of leftovers and party favors: gourmet finger sandwiches, frosted tea cakes, pink and red balloons, streamers and more.

When I was older, February 14th was always celebrated with heart shaped boxes of candy. One for me, one for my mother, my daddy’s “girls.” Long before I dreamed of boys, I knew there was one man in my life who would never forget his Valentine. The tradition continued until I left for college, a relief I think since my taste in chocolate had gotten expensive by then. Dad had gone from grabbing $12 boxes of Whitman’s Samplers at the five and dime to waiting on line to shell out $25 for Godiva truffles, my favorite. Not that he ever complained.

I just ordered flowers for my parents for Valentine’s Day, and as I addressed the card, there were many things I wanted to tell my dad about my recent reflections, but couldn’t. The dementia that has stolen both his personality and our personal history leaves me no common ground on which to build a conversation, share an anecdote, or even reminisce. He will never remember our Valentine tradition since he will never again quite understand what this holiday of hearts and flowers and candy even signifies.

So I wrote this blog to say thanks to my dad, for showing me what romance should be: sweet, thoughtful, tender. A man of few words, my dad maintained traditions of love and loyalty that spoke volumes.

If you are loved by your father, you are blessed indeed. Happy Valentine’s Day, Daddy. I miss you so much.