It's the Gift, Not the Thought That Counts

I was flipping through my latest issue of Real Simple today when I came across an ad that really shocked me. The picture showed a close up of a yummy looking egg dish and the headline in big bold letters declared: “Mom deserves the best...get her the non-stick frittata pan.”

Excuse me?

How is it possible in 2009 that a modern magazine (Real Simple no less) can feature an antiquated ad suggesting that because I’m a mom I will be thrilled to receive some sort of appliance for Mother’s Day? Because the obvious aftermath of unwrapping that pan, or any pan, is that I will then use it to cook something. For somebody else. New washing machine? Go do some laundry why don’t ya! Vacuum cleaner? Start sucking it up honey the dust bunnies are waiting.

I happen to be married to a guy who basically gets it, so I’m confident I won’t be getting the aforementioned frittata pan on May 10. But since I have a platform to vent, I thought I’d make a short list of dos and don’ts when shopping for moms – ladies feel free to weigh in with your own hit list:

First, do not get me chocolate, cookies or any kind of baked goods. As every mom in America knows, Mother’s Day falls a scant 17 days prior to Memorial Day, the beginning of yet another long and unforgiving swimsuit season. Now is not the time to trip us up.

Don’t take me to some overpriced all-you-can-eat brunch. See reason above.

Unless you went to see Vicky, do not buy me a “warm” robe, “cozy” slippers, or “comfy” pj’s. I do not want to look or feel like my mother on Mother’s Day.

Do think outside the box. Why not create a really cool playlist of songs you think I’d like and then send me off with a tall, cool drink to chill out and groove.

Make me a mimosa. Because champagne is fun, especially in the morning, and because it’s impossible not to smile when you say “mimosa.”

Take the kids to a matinee. This may surprise you but I actually love my home when I’m the only one in it. No one leaving piles to be picked up. Nobody bugging me for snacks, sex or both. It also lets me do the things women like to do when they are alone, like put a shower cap on and deep condition my hair or pass gas freely without having to hold it in until everyone else leaves the immediate vicinity.

I’d love to hear from my readers on what their ideal Mom’s Day gift is. It would be funny to hear what some of the all time bombs are too. In the meantime I’m calling Calphalon to invite them to wake up and join the 21st century. Who knows, maybe I’ll go ahead and order an egg pan while I have them on the phone.